I guess I should introduce myself.
I like things flavored like coconut and when I was in 3rd grade I fell off a mountain during a family vacation in California.
Isn’t it CRAZY how I like coconut so much? There’s an unbelievable little fact about me.
Anyways, the other less unique thing about me is the whole “mountain” deal.
We drove an obnoxiously-enormous van from Utah to Disneyland.
We stopped to stretch our legs at the foot of the Calico Mountains in California.
I can’t remember if this was before or after my brother and sister both barfed in a sack in the back of the van. We got to listen to a Paul Simon tape, though, so the trip was still pretty good.
Anyways, (that’s how I started another paragraph up there. Dang it. This blog sucks.) My dad, sister and I started hiking up a little mountain. It wasn’t very steep or tall, so it didn’t take us long to reach the top.
It was a glorious view and I was feeling pretty confident about the 4 minute walk I just finished.
As far as I was concerned, I was nailing this vacation.
I was proud of things like the hike, that I was the sole throw-up-survivor in the van, and that I had nearly memorized all the words to the song “You Can Call Me Al.”
I was unstoppable.
I figured I’d better get to the bottom so I could continue my streak of impressive vacation prowess, so I started down.
The journey down seemed much less strenuous.
My legs were struggling to keep up with the slope, so I started going faster.
Faster usually equals better.
It turned into a light jog.
I was on fire.
The rocks and dirt underneath my feet were urging me to pick it up a little bit. (I guess gravel can talk.)
Winners listen to rocks and dirt.
The jog turned into a sprint which immediately morphed into an Olympic trial run.
I would have easily qualified for the American team.
I couldn’t stop. My brain started to panic. I was nearing a small ledge that curved up before leading straight to the ground.
I was literally unstoppable.
You bet your boots (?) that I ran at full speed at that ledge; my arms spread out like an owl (?) As I started to fly through the air, I closed my eyes……
I had a vision of the future, you guys. I saw our days. It was unbelievable. I saw phones that can answer questions. I saw those soda machines that let you digitally add any flavor you want to Sprite. I saw the Chewbacca mom.
Actually, I just passed out in the air and don’t remember hitting the ground.
Then I woke up and sat inside the huge van eating puffed Cheetos while my mom put giant band-aids over both of my knees.
Going down hills still freaks me out, and I really do love coconut.
If you’re having a sad day, think about how at least you didn’t “Pull a Sara” and lose your mind and charge down a mountain like a baby rhino at full speed and fly off a ledge. You guys are the real winners.
I’m glad you could get to know me.